go tick tock tick tock
in the bottom of the basement
Hooves in the distance
This whole place is a powder keg
A power keg
Swallowed by the sheer hunger
A hunger for power
Plunges like bullets into all that she is
A forceful slug can get to her
Even after all that training
He will fuck her
But he will never love her
Fucked by the Prince
Fucked in the ass
Fucked in the dark
Fold me into a paper dragon
A karmic scream in origami
Karma, you can fuck yourself
To dwell is to die
To dwell is to die
Don’t stop little bunny rabbit
Freedom in an electric toy
This is me
A primitive wo-man
She picks a feather out of her mouth
And lets it go.
The reflection of your warts and all
Swim away from yourself
Do I let go or do I survive this life?
You fucked me
But I love you
Exterminate the masses
A hand on him
Terrified to be born
Stand in your desperate loneliness
Trafficked your humanity
But I cannot quantify this
Let it go
Too easy to get laid
Let it go
Run away. I must run away
Run away from my mother
Let it go
This is me
He covers her face
I spend the bulk of my days alone in a flow space.
You know how you’d dream of falling into the genie’s bottle and what the inside of that would look like for you? That’s what the inside of my bubble feels like.
My solitude is my first love.
I think it always has been. I think pursuing an idea of being an actress was so far out of line with who I am as a person. Let me tell you now - it is really hard to get better at acting when you don’t like to be around people.
However, I do want to tell stories.
And I do want to play characters in the worlds that I have brought to life sheerly through the simple action of ink to page.
But auditioning for folks
Playing the games
Shuts me off from myself
And faced with that game
I compare myself
And through that comparison
I so often
that logic stick
until I come to the conclusion
I am not good enough
That I am not good enough
Living in the moments between the pen and the page.
Here, I get to live the stories. I get to ooze and dance in a play land - in a lovely world where I am not judged and where the truth is welcomed with open arms.
Here I can stand unshowered for 2 days, still in my pajamas,
with hair and teeth unbrushed.
I am scared that I won’t amount to anything
or have any real influence on the world.
And I know that’s just my ego
but I feel that he has the best of intentions.
What am I trying to prove?
We’re all gonna die
Energetically who knows
But this body I stand in
Writing these words has a sell-by date
And we all know ours is coming
So we clutch onto youth
With all that we’ve got
To suck on the young one’s fountain
To fool myself into thinking
that youth is still mine
But more than the youth
It’s the invincibility that comes
hand in hand with youth
The blissful ignorance
in thinking one has all the time in the world
We all have
all the time
in the world
until one day...
We suck the youth out of life
because we have not yet learned
to embrace our mortality
If it weren’t for les morts,
there’d be no space for any of us here
The dinosaurs were much better tenants
If only I could touch this young girl’s supple breast,
perhaps I can remember... believe...
that I am still young too
Exploit the youth
We’re chasing the thing
We already possess
Matter cannot be created or destroyed
Energy is neither created nor destroyed
So if there’s no getting off this universe,
then who is it who isn’t immortal?
The heater buzzes
A monotonous tone
The drones that run our lives
The rhythm of our
lives is controlled by
unconscious to us
Do we really know
what these strange
clouds above us are
precipitating on our heads?
What will be the "cigarettes" of our generation?
The "whoops-we-didn't-know" syndrome
Whoops we didn't know
The world is flat
That's right - we didn't know
The party continues in the Venetian streets
I love to hear the free people play
I am the eye of the storm
Soaking in the buzz of the chaos
in complete and utter stillness
They think of me unsocial
But I am far more a part of their lives
than any of them realize
A woman is hysterical outside
She's far enough away
that I can't tell if she's joyous
or about to start a fight with someone
For some people
opposite emotional states
can omit the most uncannily similar tones
Maybe it's like the circle of fifths
The rain pours down.
Why won’t you look at me when I’m talking to you?
You know I hate to stare at the top of your head.
Your crown that tells me, “I am not interested.”
It’s amazing how much we fill in the blanks of each other’s lives.
We fill in the blanks of each other’s lies.
And the plot thickens.
And the world keeps on spinning.
The rain splats on the pavement.
It taps in the drainpipe.
And the gentle wash of wet white noise
to tie the whole symphony together.
How lucky we are to have ears.
I think I could eventually learn to live without my eyes or my speech.
But life without a soundtrack might be too desolate of a place
to even imagine.
What would you do while sitting in traffic?
What would you do while losing your virginity?
She raises her eyebrows.
So the rain will come and have its way.
The rain he is a bossy lover
who likes all to play by his rules.
A reminder that we are not in control.
An important one for us human mortals.
Like pollen to a bee.
Our animal role is to be inseminated.
No thank you.
I adore my world too much.
The truth is I would only resent them in the end.
And what I want is to love, not to resent.
The rain pours in the alley.
A piano accordion player is egged on by a group of burly, drunk men.
Mumblings of no consequence syncopate the clinking of their glasses.
Rhythm. Patterns. Logic.
Repeated in everything.
All of life is on a continuum.
And we want to put it in a linear, logical pattern.
So why is it we can live in the past, the present and the future all in one day?
…all in one minute for most people.
What terrifies you most about having a clear head?
What is it you’re afraid of?
Feeling back to myself again today. So grateful for the freedom to sing.
This is a song I've been working on recently with my teacher, Danielle Amadeo (one of the angels in my arsenal of amazing women in my life). The song is called, Guilty.
Tomorrow is your birthday
And again I find myself wondering
Do you ever think about me?
What you and I have
You and I are so much more than romance
So much more than best friends
I am connected to you on a cellular level
And I know you feel that too
Though you always have been far better at shutting out your truth
We were never made to make each other truly happy
But until the day I die, I will feel connected to you
Umbilical cord severed
And I am still tied to you
Now both married to other people
And I am still bonded to you
You used to say
If I wanted to know how you were and what you were going through,
just to look in the mirror
Does that still apply now our hearts belong to other people?
If she makes you half as happy as he makes me,
I am truly happy for you
I’m happy that we’re both getting what we’ve always wanted and needed
And yet, you lurk in my shadows
Do I follow you in the shadows the way you follow me?
Or am I just a sucker for romanticizing what is no longer?
Appreciated in the dust
As it floats to the ground
And just when I think it has settled,
something ruffles my Jono feathers once again
I wish you a happy birthday
And I send you my love
From the shadows