You know how you’d dream of falling into the genie’s bottle and what the inside of that would look like for you? That’s what the inside of my bubble feels like.
My solitude is my first love.
I think it always has been. I think pursuing an idea of being an actress was so far out of line with who I am as a person. Let me tell you now - it is really hard to get better at acting when you don’t like to be around people.
However, I do want to tell stories.
And I do want to play characters in the worlds that I have brought to life sheerly through the simple action of ink to page.
But auditioning for folks
Playing the games
Shuts me off from myself
And faced with that game
I compare myself
And through that comparison
I so often
that logic stick
until I come to the conclusion
I am not good enough
That I am not good enough
Living in the moments between the pen and the page.
Here, I get to live the stories. I get to ooze and dance in a play land - in a lovely world where I am not judged and where the truth is welcomed with open arms.
Here I can stand unshowered for 2 days, still in my pajamas,
with hair and teeth unbrushed.
I am scared that I won’t amount to anything
or have any real influence on the world.
And I know that’s just my ego
but I feel that he has the best of intentions.